The perils of self-promotion on imperfect platforms
Social media isn't fair, but neither is the world
When I wrote about leaving Twitter back in 2022, my parting line was this:
“How can I expect society to progress and change if I’m not willing to make affordable sacrifices for it?”
Back then, the chances of me becoming a published author felt slim. I had an agent, but my book had failed to find a home (turns out things can change). I’d already begun to spend less and less time on Twitter to protect my mental health, but then M*sk became its owner. Having sensed the direction the platform was heading in (let’s just say my intuition wasn’t wrong), and with no social or professional reason to remain, I jumped ship. It felt right, and I’ve never regretted that decision.
But now here I am, three years later, continuing to use online platforms that are – or have the potential to become – just as damaging and divisive as Twitter was when I abandoned it. I’m hyper-aware of this cognitive dissonance (which, perhaps, negates the dissonance?!), but the difference for me is that I now have a publishing contract. In other words, for the first time in my career, I’m annoyingly dependent on social media platforms to help get my stories into the hands and brains of readers who will (hopefully) enjoy them. Speaking of which…
🫠 So how can I make ethical and intellectual peace with this?
Well, let me tell you about my current approach…
I’ll never shy away from criticising the platforms I’m using, such as in this very newsletter. But it’s important for me to acknowledge that writing (and therefore selling) books is not my main form of income. I can therefore afford to be bolder than other authors in this regard.
Related to this is the fact that I’m disinterested in growth, data and algorithmic domination. Instead, my intention with my continued use of social media (which includes this newsletter) is to prioritise genuine connections with people who are interested in what I’ve got to say, and who make my life and writing richer in return. If they read my books, that’s a huge bonus.
Social media isn’t perfect, but neither is the world. We’re all navigating it as best we can, each of us weighed down by different struggles – and bolstered by different privileges. All we can do as individuals is continue to think critically, amplify less advantaged voices and use our experience-informed judgement. At all times, I’ll be guided by my ick-ometer, which has never let me down so far.
I appreciate you taking the time to read this ramble; I felt compelled to stick my flag in the ground before getting on with the fun stuff…
Author updates
Firstly a HUGE THANK YOU to everyone for sharing my book cover and / or pre-ordering It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas. My line edits for the novel are now back with my editor, which means I’ve been able to spend some proper time getting to know the characters of my next book, which comes out in August 2026. I can’t say too much about that story yet, but here’s a clue: 🗽!
I had a delightfully varied and borderline unhinged chat with Nicola Washington a couple of weeks ago about all things writing and publishing, which somehow ended up with me doing an impression of a hand dryer. I think the interview might be paywalled now but here’s the link (and you might be able to listen below). You can watch my hand dryer impression here. Now there’s a sentence I never thought I’d type.
I had a fantastic meeting with my local indie bookshop last week about some events. I’ll confirm details as soon as I can, but their support and enthusiasm for the book was more than I could have ever wished for, and I’m feeling incredibly lucky.
“It’s hard to let go and trust that other people will do justice to this precious book that you’ve poured so much love and time and energy into.”
Eloise Rickman
Eloise Rickman, writer and home educator
Eloise Rickman’s most recent book, It’s Not Fair: Why It’s Time For A Grown-Up Conversation About How Adults Treat Children, is always within reaching distance of me. The book is a practical exploration of why it’s time to stop viewing children as ‘less than’ adults and start fighting for their rights to be taken seriously. As I navigate this increasingly volatile world with a pair of very different and very uncompromising children, Eloise’s wisdom and perspective is such a refreshing balm. Here, she tells us about her path to publication, which started with a ‘crash' publication when covid struck…
Do you have an agent? And what made you decide that choice was best for you?
I do. I was very lucky and had a publisher approach me directly, and a friend who works in publishing advised me to get an agent before taking things any further. I think having some pre-existing interest made me a more appealing prospect, as all three agents I queried ended up offering me representation. It turned out my friend was right – it’s really good to know someone has your back in case any problems arise, and who can offer reassurance when you feel wobbly. My agent has definitely earned her commission!
How long did it take from starting to write your first book, to people being able to buy it?
My first book Extraordinary Parenting was very unusual because it was ‘crash’ published. I already had an agent, and was slowly working on the proposal which would eventually become It’s Not Fair when the pandemic hit in March 2020. I was running some parenting and home education courses and blogging at the time, and was suddenly inundated with questions from parents who were plunged into home schooling. I suggested to my agent that we pitch a book – we wrote the proposal in six days and received two offers of publication. I then wrote the book in a fortnight (not recommended!), edits happened fast, and it was published in May 2020, less than two months after we pitched it. For comparison, I signed the contract for It’s Not Fair at the end of 2021 and it was published in June 2024.
Why did you choose to publish your book traditionally?
I didn’t really consider self-publishing. I wrote both books while home educating my daughter and working part time; I just about managed to find time to write, but I don’t think I could have done all the other things needed to bring a book into the world. I also love the process of being edited. My editor for It’s Not Fair was so clever and insightful. I tend to get lost down rabbit trails, and he was very good at letting me know when something was unnecessary or detracted from my main argument – I cut over ten thousand words from the final draft.
What part of the writing or publishing process do you find the most annoying?
Having just said that I wouldn’t want to be in charge of the whole production, I do struggle with the lack of control you have as an author when it comes to certain elements of the publication process. It’s hard to let go and trust that other people will do justice to this precious book that you’ve poured so much love and time and energy into. I had a few bumps in the road with It’s Not Fair that made it quite hard to trust that it was going to be ok in the end, and the feeling that so much was out of my hands was hugely stressful.
Plotting or pantsing: what’s your happy place?
Writing non-fiction, I need a solid plan before I can really start writing. This can take a surprisingly long time – it took me months to find a structure for It’s Not Fair that I was happy with. But, even then, I still do a fair amount of pantsing, as I tend to follow my nose a lot when it comes to research. I’d read something fascinating and would suddenly decide to add a whole new section to a chapter. My editor and I ended up making big structural changes quite close to the end, ditching one chapter entirely and splitting another one into two.
What was your first ‘I can’t believe this is happening’ moment as an author?
The first time I saw one of my books in a bookshop was utterly surreal. It was during the pandemic, so an outing to a shop was already quite exciting, and I wasn’t expecting to see it at all. I felt like such an imposter that I didn’t ask to sign a copy even though they were right next to the till! I couldn’t have an in-person event for my first book for obvious reasons, so having a proper book launch for It’s Not Fair was incredible. I was convinced no one would come, and walking out to a packed Waterstones filled with friends, family and strangers was a moment I’ll never forget.
What one thing is the most surprising thing about being an author?
How much of a financial strain it can put you under. A lot of advances are not as big as you might think / hope, and unless your book sells in huge numbers, you’re quite unlikely to make a lot of money from it. It’s sobering to think about the amount of time it took me to write It’s Not Fair. I’ve spoken to other writers about this – some have used words like ‘financially ruinous’ to describe their own publication journeys – but I don’t think we’re having enough public conversations about it. The advance (and marketing budget / subsequent income) gap between ‘celebrity’ authors and most other writers is staggering.
If you could change anything about your path to publication, what would it be?
I quickly realised that people didn’t know where to place It’s Not Fair. I mean this literally: booksellers didn’t know where to physically place the book in their shop. Because there is so little published writing on children’s rights there was no natural section for it to sit in. People see the word ‘children’ in the subtitle and assume it’s a parenting guide rather than a social justice manifesto. We knew it would be tricky to pitch a book that we wanted parents – but crucially not only parents – to read, but in hindsight I think we needed to think about it more before publication.
What would be your dream achievement as a writer?
This is going to sound very earnest, but every time I receive a message from someone telling me that one of my books has changed their life in some way – their parenting, their work, the way they advocate for the children in their lives – it makes all of the hard work worth it. I wrote It’s Not Fair as an act of love and rage for my daughter, and for all children. Knowing that I’ve played a small part in changing how children are seen and treated is really all I want, and I hope people keep reading and talking about the book and the ideas in it.
What's next on your publication pathway?
I’m not sure. I still home educate my daughter, and it’s so nice to be able to focus wholly on that at the moment without a project distracting me. I’m also finishing my MA so my next big piece of writing needs to be my dissertation! I have a few ideas scribbled in notebooks but nothing I want to drop everything for, which is a sign they’re not quite ready. I would love to write a children’s book on children’s liberation, adultism, and children’s rights one day – it’s been so cool talking to older children who have read It’s Not Fair and I’d love to make the ideas in the book accessible for a younger audience. I ended up taking an unplanned break from writing my newsletter after my book came out, so I’m looking forward to starting that up again soon.
Eloise’s newsletter Small Places focuses on children’s rights, education, and children’s liberation. You can follow Eloise on Instagram here.
Things I’ve enjoyed recently
📰This incredible essay by
on the importance of embracing obstacles when it comes to any kind of artistic output (“the struggle to say what you mean teaches you how and what you think and how to defend your thinking”) has created an infinite number of new neural pathways in my mind (with thanks to for putting it on my radar):
📚I’m currently reading The List Of Suspicious Things by
, which I’m very much enjoying, as well as Kitchen Confidential by Anthony Bourdain for the book club I’m part of, which is proving to be way more entertaining than I was expecting.📺I’m officially onboard the Severence train! And I’m also loving
’s podcast she records with her husband immediately after each episode. What does it all meeeeeeean?! DM your theories!🎧I’ve updated this playlist with all my favourite new tracks from January. Shovel by Deep Sea Diver is currently playing on repeat (and the single-shot video for the song is epic♠️).
Great point Hayley . Social media has definitely created new audiences and , for readers , ways of engaging with writers .
But it's a demanding and fickle mistress and, I suspect , the trick is not to behave like it's biddable servant, always ready to respond every time the bell rings in the kitchen . After all you are the cook and need your own time and space to weigh ingredients , chop and blend . ....then rest when the dish slowly cooks in the oven .
Thank you so much for the mention Hayley, I really hope you carry on enjoying The List of Suspicious Things - and I wholly empathise with your dilemma. I’ve found a way of being on my chosen social media platforms that is manageable, but that doesn’t mean I don’t often question it!