Let's stay in our pyjamas
Unexpected things happen when you stop forcing stuff
"Pyjama day?"
"Pyjama day!"
My kids never say ‘no’ to a pyjama day. It's the school holidays here (again 🙃) and we’re all still in our nightwear as lunchtime approaches.
That's partly down to the fact that our youngest is ill and the adults of the household barely slept last night. But, even if we had, we're increasingly enjoying the pleasures of simpler days in this family.
These are days of minimal expectations and transitions. Days of nothing but rest, connection and play (we've recently discovered the joy of 'parallel play' – when we're all in the same room engaging with different games and stories, silently enjoying each other's company).
In the past, these 'empty' days of nothingness would bring me out in a cold sweat. They'd transport me to the early weeks of lockdown when the endless days merged into a torturous void that I didn't have the mental or physical capacity to fill. They'd flood me with guilt about all the trips and activities the children were missing out on. They'd make me feel like a shit mum, basically.
But, here's the thing: I love being at home. I always have. If covid and lockdowns had happened while I was a kid, I would’ve loved it. Just like my youngest child did back in 2020.
What would I have done if I hadn't been a parent when the pandemic struck? I'd have stayed in bed for longer. Worn comfier clothes all day. Sat in a softer seat to learn, work and play. Followed my instincts for seeking slowness.
But, instead, life taught me to push those instincts down and force myself into a faster, more productive existence.
I've been trying to force things to happen my whole life. Friendships. Relationships. Hobbies. Feelings. Progress. I wrote last time about how creating less has actually helped me to create better, but it’s more than that. Because that idea was driven by enforced time away from writing as a parent. However, I’m now starting to appreciate the value of deliberately taking my foot off the forcing pedal.
I assumed I’d grind to a creative halt, but that’s not what’s happened. Instead, I've been reading more than ever. I’ve been connecting to new music for the first time in many, many years. I've been thinking and pondering about how I want to develop, rather than strategising and planning about what I want to achieve.
Some of you might be rightly wondering: But what has all of this got to do with ‘becoming an author’? Well, this slower approach meant I took my time finishing the latest draft of my second novel, which is now with my agent in a much stronger shape than it would have been had I stuck to my original, ambitious timeline.
And it’s also why I’ve not written here on Substack for a while. I’d always intended this to be a monthly newsletter. I figured that having a vaguely fixed schedule for sending it out would ensure I’d keep ‘showing up’ as an author, since so much I see about creative writing focuses on the importance of ‘consistency’. But I’m beginning to disagree.
The key, for me at least, is to completely separate productivity from creativity, while consciously noticing the blissful times when they overlap. And, you know what? More often than not, when that rare sliver of golden output makes an appearance, I am indeed wearing my pyjamas.
This month’s tip for other aspiring authors: I’ve been doing some Domestika creative courses recently. If you’re looking for bitesize writing courses delivered by industry experts for a low cost, give it a try. I’d recommend searching for online discount codes to bring the price down even more.
Currently reading: Strong Female Character by Fern Brady* and The Movement by Ayisha Malik*.
What I recently enjoyed reading: Coincidentally, I read two books back-to-back last month with a Shakespeare connection. In Little Stars by Linda Green* (thanks to Quercus for the review copy) is a modern-day retelling of Romeo and Juliet set in a divided Northern England after the Brexit referendum. It’s as tragic as you might imagine, but hopeful, too. I loved it. I followed this up with Station Eleven by Emily St. John Mandel*, a book I‘ve been yearning to read for years but couldn’t bring myself to do so due to its pandemic-related subject matter. It’s an impossible story to summarise pithily here, but it’s like nothing I’ve ever read before and I adored it.
What I recently enjoyed watching: I’m loving the resurgence of genre-bending rom-coms at the moment, and my favourite by far in 2023 is Shotgun Wedding, available on Amazon Prime. Ignore all the snobby reviews: this is Jennifer Lopez at her comedic (and physical!) peak and is a perfect blend of cheesy action / over-the-top rom-com. Throw in Lenny Kravitz and Jennifer Coolidge and you’ve got the recipe for a genuinely hilarious film imho.
I am reading Fern Brady's memoir at the moment aswell. Very thought provoking!
Oh, I knew there was something else! The reading, the baking, the stuff that *isn't* writing, but does fuel it. So underestimated. The more I play the more I *want* to work. It's fascinating.